I am bisexual. I was gay from the young age of 8 to 16, then realized my love for everyone, which resulted in my bisexuality today.
I have parents who do not appreciate gay people, they believe it’s wrong and that they have no right on this earth. My mother especially, but I am hoping that it will one day change.. She uses the ‘F’ word whenever she sees a gay man either on television or even in public, and it just makes me realize that she is calling me that name. It only puts me further into the ground, not having the strength to tell her or my family. I will not reveal how I realized I was gay at eight-years-old, because it’s a personal reason that you will never fathom.
But, at the age of ten, I found out what it meant to be gay, and how everyone disapproves of it, some people said that even God hated gays. My elementary school friends made fun of me from the way I behaved, how I walked, how I talked, and even my parents randomly brought up their opinion on how gay people do not belong on this planet. One day, as I walked home from elementary school, I thought about all of those things.. I went to my bedroom and grabbed a pillow and tried to commit suicide by suffocating myself. It took me several attempts and billions of fallen tears to accomplish. I then realized what I was doing, and couldn’t finish the job. I thought to myself, ‘maybe my life is worth living, maybe God put me on this earth to have the strength to stand up for myself. And that he chose me of the billions of people on this Earth to experience this challenge in my life.’
All of these years, I have been living a lie.. Walking the streets with a paper bag over my head, hoping no one will notice my existence. I have only told a few people, whom I trusted most. But, I have yet to tell my family. I know I will somehow find the strength to tell them, even my mother. I just fear that she will not approve and that she will shun me from our family. I taped Prayers for Bobby on Lifetime a few days ago, wondering what it was about. I cried for days, because it was as if I have seen my own life flashed before my eyes, and possibly even my future. It is the only film in my life, where I have cried for days over.. It inspired me to come out to you all today.
You can unfollow me if you wish, because it is what you were raised to believe. But, you know what? It only makes me stronger.. I wrote this for my own benefit, hoping others will be inspired.. Just know, that there are others in this world that love you and who are here for you, you know I am one of them. I love you, forever and always.
I don’t really know you enough to truly understand everything that you’ve been through in your life, but I just wanted to say that after reading this post, I’ve gained so much respect for you. You’re truly an amazing person Devin. Always be strong, never forget your self-worth, and always remember that there are people everywhere who would be there for you in a heartbeat - myself included. (:
I do this every now and then. It helps me say what I need to say without actually telling people. Ahaha.
I’m so sorry that things have turned out the way that they have between us. I know I fucked up countless amount of times. I wish that we could have salvaged what was left of our friendship. I guess all that’s left to do now is pick up the broken pieces and move on with whatever we have left.
Is it bad that I’ve been looking at old pictures of you and I lately? I miss those times - when things were so much simpler. More than that, I miss us.
I seriously love you. You’re `my sunshine after the rain`. (=
I wish I was as cool as you. Ahaha. I’m working on getting up to your ranks but it’s a pretty slow progression.
I guess that’s all I have for now. Good night tumblr.
I’m not sure if I’m the only one that does this, but anyway - I name all of my portable electronic devices. Haha. Is that weird?
My MacBook’s name is Perry, my iPod video Jake, my iPod shuffle Riley, and my usb thumb drive Cooper.
Perry is my boyfriend, by the way. lol.
Why do all good things come to an end?” —Nelly Furtado “All Good Things”
What a stud. & he has a MacBook? Sweet. I like the Pacman sticker.
(images via google)
- Me: So.. I thought there was a bug on my screen.. cause it was moving.. but it was just my cursor.
- Joshua: Hahaha ...
- Me: Ahahaha shut up ;D
- Joshua: ...
- Me: What?!? haha
- Joshua: Hahaha x)
- Me: Meanie lol
- Joshua: Hehe you brought that on yourself... haha
- Me: It was an honest mistake.. lol.
Dude, this is all I have to say…
Every time you walk back into my life, you fuck me up. Every ounce me of is miserable because of the aftermath you leave behind, and I’m not going to stand for it anymore. I blame myself because I feel like I’m never good enough for you, but fuck that shit dude. I’m more than enough for you and if you can’t see that now because of shit that’s happened in the past, fuck you dawg for being so fucking blind. I’ve given my all. I’ve tried to prove to you that I’ve loved you since day one. If you can’t see that now, I’m at a lost for words.
I’m tired of you blaming me.
I’m tired of you making me cry in front of my best friends.
I’m tired of fucking drinking my problems with you away.
I’m not going to let you ruin this night. I had too much fun for you to come along and fuck it all up.
Fuck you dude. I’m over it.